Why Do We Forget Loved Ones Who Aren't on Social Media?

Photo by Jess Bailey on Unsplash

In 2013, I did an experiment. Tired of receiving stale, Facebook-prompted birthday wishes, I took my birthday off Facebook to see what would happen. And here’s what happened.

Not one of my “Facebook friends” remembered my birthday.

A couple of friends mentioned something a week or two before and after, but no one outside my family wished me a Happy Birthday on my birthday. I thought that was sad. That was definitely not the result I was expecting.

Distance from Social Media

For reasons I won’t go into now, I deleted all my social media accounts in 2015. And once I did, I said goodbye to my social life. It’s amazing how few people even think to send a simple “Hey, how are you?” text or email to find out how people are doing.

To be fair, I prefer not to receive those kinds of messages if the person sending them doesn’t have anything interesting or pressing to share. Small talk isn’t very fulfilling for me. But I would rather receive one of those small talk messages once in a while than nothing at all.

(For the record, sometime after deleting my accounts, I tried to rejoin social media a few times. But they were all short and shallow attempts that ended with me deleting my accounts again.)

Remembering To Be Human

Is this really what it’s come to? People think people don’t exist outside social media, so it’s ok to forget those who prefer to stay out of it? When did that happen? Over and over again, I see that inventions intended to make life easier or more convenient end up making it harder for us to satisfy our human needs.

Let’s look at cars, for example. True, cars help us get from point A to point B faster. But they’ve also made us lazier when it comes to exercise. Now we have to make a conscious effort to stay active, whereas before, people got exercise merely by walking to visit their nearest neighbor.

Yes, I may be oversimplifying. I’m aware that not everyone in the days before cars got adequate exercise. And I’m aware there were wheeled forms of transportation before the car and that other factors—like desk jobs—have contributed to the rise in exercise machines and jogging suits.

But, in general, cars have made our lives both easier and harder. And social media has had a similar effect. It’s made it easier to connect with people who are already on social media, but now it’s harder to remember those who aren’t.

Using Social Media Wisely

I can’t dismiss social media as a whole, just as I can’t imagine a world without cars—not yet, anyway. But the benefit someone derives from using social networking sites depends on the person and their reasons for using them.

If you feel better after using social media or if you find it useful for your purposes, then that’s healthy. I don’t see a problem there. And I know businesses and organizations can use social networking sites to stay in touch with their customers and contributors.

But if, after using social media, you feel bad or drained or worse than you did before using it, you need to evaluate whether—in your case—its detriments outweigh its benefits.

Staying in Touch Outside Social Media

I had no idea how easy it was to lose touch with loved ones once you disconnected from social media. Between 2015 and 2018, for example, I saw only two friends in real life. Two friends—that’s it.

I have since learned that I have to make an effort to connect in other ways if I plan to have any semblance of a social life. Even though I’m the kind of person who doesn’t need much social stimulation to be happy, I intend to do that—in moderation, of course.

For now, let me just say, if you have any loved ones who aren’t on social media, don’t forget them. Send them a “just because” text or an email or, dare I say it, a handwritten letter. You can’t imagine how much that simple gesture could brighten their day.

Now it’s your turn. Why do you think people forget loved ones who aren’t on social media?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: February 4, 2022