5 First Date Ideas for INFJs

Photo by Mai Rodriguez on Unsplash

As an INFJ, I’ve never been fond of the “dinner and a movie” first date idea. This is partly because I can be self-conscious in high pressure social situations and partly because I don’t think either of these settings allows for deep conversation—something essential for INFJs, especially when getting to know a potential romantic partner.

In terms of dinner, I’m much more comfortable eating in public with someone I know well. I don’t need to be face-to-face with someone I like while worrying if I have food on my face. Plus, if it’s a busy time, I don’t like feeling rushed or having to talk over everyone else around me.

When it comes to a movie, I find it pretty hard to talk in a dark theater with strangers nearby. Plus, since I’m a movie person, I tend to lose myself in movies, which means I would probably forget my date was there for about two hours. Not ideal for getting to know someone.

Instead, I’ve come up with the following list of five INFJ-friendly first date ideas. Whether you’re an INFJ or someone interested in dating one, I hope some of them inspire your future romantic endeavors.

5 Ideas for an INFJ’s First Date

1. A Walk in a Park

   This setting is ideal for one of the things INFJs love most in the world—deep conversation. At a park, you can pick a path and stroll it while talking endlessly about whatever you want. That makes this a more free-form date.
   
   If an INFJ already has a strong connection with their companion, this date would work well for them. They’ve probably already talked at least a few times, so talking in a park will feel like picking up where they left off.
   
   But if you want a little help finding topics to discuss on your date, some of the other items on this list might work better.
   
   Also, if you’re dating someone you don’t know well, you should pick a park that a good number of people frequent—not so many that you run into a biker or jogger every five seconds, but enough that the place doesn’t feel secluded.

2. A Walk Through a Nature Center or Botanical Gardens

   Walking through a nature center or botanical gardens is like walking through a park, but with a slight difference. Here, you have something to help steer your conversation. You can talk about the flowers and plant life you see.
   
   You can marvel at the beauties of nature. Or you can just wander and ponder in silence. (You can do these things at a park to some extent, but it’s much easier when there’s more to look at.)
   
   One thing to note about INFJs is that we don’t feel the need to fill every moment with speech. This is actually true of introverts in general—we value silence.
   
   So, even if you have some silent moments with no conversation during your date, don’t take this as a bad sign. In fact, if the INFJ doesn’t look like they’re trying to get away from their companion, it’s actually a good sign. It means they’re comfortable with them.
   
   And some silence is nice, especially when you have other forms of stimulation around you, like exotic plant life. (Also, the same rule about seclusion from #1 applies here.)

3. Coffee in a Quiet Café

   While this list isn’t in any particular order, this is probably my number one choice for a first date with an INFJ. Of course, you don’t have to actually drink coffee in this café if you don’t like coffee. You can have tea or tisane or hot chocolate if you like. The point is to have a warm drink to sip on while conversing with your partner.
   
   Warm drinks are nice for these kinds of encounters because they offer a sense of comfort—very important for an INFJ’s first date—and they take time to drink, giving you two an excuse to talk as long as you like.
   
   If your INFJ likes you, they’re going to want to learn everything they can about you. And that starts with talking to you, which they can do easily in the calm atmosphere of a café.
   
   Just know, a drink in a café can be a date in itself, but you can also add it to the other ideas on this list. For instance, you can go for a walk in a park, then have coffee afterward—and dessert, too, if you like! (The odds of getting food on your face are much slimmer if you’re eating a cookie versus pasta with pasta sauce.)

4. Coffee in a Bookstore’s Café

   This date combines two of the things INFJs love most in the world—deep conversation and books. (I may consider myself a movie person, but I love books, too!) As I mentioned in #3, we INFJs relish sitting and conversing with someone over a hot drink.
   
   But if a person really wants to get to know an INFJ, it will also help to learn the kinds of books they like to read. What better place to do that than in a bookstore?
   
   Additionally, this will give the INFJ the opportunity to learn more about their partner’s interests, which will not only help steer the conversation, but will give the INFJ more insight into their partner’s character.
   
   Instead of a bookstore, an INFJ would also appreciate a visit to a journal or stationery store when looking for something to do before or after enjoying those warm drinks. Many of us INFJs are old souls who still journal by hand and appreciate the beauty of handwritten letters.
   
   But since a lot of bookstores already have cafés attached to them, if you’re looking for more convenience, a bookstore with a café is the way to go.

5. A Visit to a Museum or Art Gallery

   Museums and art galleries are great for first dates because, like with a walk in nature, you can enjoy the beauty around you while you converse in a quiet setting. And that beauty, in turn, can help steer your conversation.
   
   Also, unlike walking in nature, these dates are nice because you don’t have to worry about what to do if it rains.
   
   If you’re the one trying to impress an INFJ on this date, make sure that whatever museum or gallery you visit includes artifacts or art that your INFJ actually enjoys. If, for example, your INFJ is really into neoclassicism, you might not want to go to a gallery filled with abstract art on your first date.
   
   But if you’re really into abstract art, you should definitely go to an abstract art gallery on one of your future dates. Remember, your INFJ is interested in getting to know everything about you. The more of your interests you share with them, the easier this process will be.

Final Thoughts

Essentially, there are two main ingredients for an INFJ’s ideal first date—quiet and deep conversation. If an INFJ is given the place and opportunity to probe the depths of their partner’s soul, they’ll leave on cloud nine.

And it should go without saying that your phone should be nowhere in sight while on this date. Not even to take pictures.

Ok, maybe you can take a few pictures, especially at the nature center or botanical gardens. But then the phone goes right back to being out of sight. On this date—and all future dates—try your best to give your companion your undivided attention.

Alright, I know some of you out there have other ideas to add to this list. Go ahead and share them in the comments.

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: January 29, 2024