Why We Don’t Choose Authenticity and Why It’s So Important to Be Authentic

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Each of us is a unique individual. We all have our own life experiences. We all have our own personality. We all have our own preferences and interests. We all have our own way of viewing the world. But too often society tries to force us to fit into preconceived ideas of who we should be. And too often we adopt those ideas as our own.

We choose a certain college because that’s where our parents went. We choose a certain career because we know it will impress our friends and family. We choose a certain partner because we know our friends and family will approve of them. We choose certain spiritual beliefs because that’s what the people around us believe.

When we make these kinds of choices, we’re essentially letting other people decide our lives for us. While some of these choices might not be that consequential, some of them are. And when we let other people make some of the biggest decisions of our lives, we’re essentially handing ownership of our lives over to them.

We’re choosing to live life passively. We’re choosing to let other people think for us. We’re choosing to let other people have control.

But why do we allow this? I can think of four reasons.

4 Reasons It Can Be Hard to Be Authentic

Reason #1: We don’t know any better.

Modern life makes it easy for us to live on a very superficial level. It’s not really designed for introspection or self-discovery, both of which are necessary if you want to discover your authentic self and live in alignment with them. After you come home from work or finish working for the day, it’s all too easy to get comfortable on the couch and catch up on your favorite shows or spend hours and hours scrolling mindlessly through social media.

If this is what all your friends and family are doing and if you’ve never been taught to question these habits, it’s very likely that you’ll continue to do these things, too. And if you feel at least relatively satisfied with this way of living, you probably won’t ever find a reason to question things or try to do things differently.

It’s often only when something happens to cause you to wake up and realize that you want more that you actually decide to reach for more. But unless that happens, you might continue living this superficial life forever, never realizing how much your authentic self wants to be set free.

Reason #2: We’re too scared to do anything different.

Sometimes we do come to a place where we realize we want more. But changing our lives can seem like a daunting task. We humans love comfort and often feel resistant to change. So, even if what’s comfortable is hindering our progress or keeping us from moving forward, we prefer to choose it over taking the steps necessary to start making progress.

We may also be scared to do things differently because we’re scared of what our friends and family might think. We may be scared of being judged or ostracized for thinking differently or having (seemingly) radical beliefs. Or we may be scared of the responsibility that comes with actually taking ownership of our lives.

Many things can make us afraid of taking the actions necessary to live more authentically—to take the time to explore what authenticity even means for us.

Reason #3: We don’t want to make the effort to change.

It’s hard to start making your own decisions about things, especially if you’re used to letting other people decide. It’s much easier to let other people tell you exactly what you’re supposed to do. It’s much easier to let other people tell you how to think. It’s much easier to let other people tell you how to live your life.

And so, some people may feel a need for change but then decide not to because changing requires effort. Changing requires an awareness of exactly what needs to change and how you’re going to go about making those changes.

Rather than make this effort, some people would rather let other people continue to make their decisions for them, even big life decisions like what kind of job they should get and what kinds of beliefs they should claim as their own. Having to choose all these things for yourself requires effort, along with trial and error.

Some people may just not want to make the effort or take the time to do the experimenting necessary to figure out what it would even look like to them to live authentically. And so, they would rather just continue letting other people decide how they should live.

Reason #4: We don’t know where to begin.

Even if you want to live more authentically, you may not know how to begin doing so. If you find yourself surrounded by people who think and act a certain way and never question the status quo, it can be hard to know where to look for people who model other behavior. And sometimes just not knowing where to begin can be enough to keep you from getting started.

Books and the internet can be great resources for doing things you don’t see anyone else around you doing. If you find yourself unsure how to begin this authenticity journey, try searching for something like “how to begin a journey of self-discovery.”

Why Should We Choose Authenticity?

Authenticity is the only thing that allows us to embrace the full uniqueness of our own life journey, rather than trying to follow someone else’s. The search for authenticity allows us to question why we do what we do and why we believe what we believe.

And if we don’t allow ourselves to question these things, we’ll end up mindlessly doing and believing whatever those closest to us do and believe—even if these things aren’t serving us or anyone else. We’ll continue down this path because we’ve never stopped to ask ourselves, “Am I really being true to myself by doing and believing these things?”

Wanting to be authentic will put you into the frame of mind you need to be in to be willing to ask those kinds of questions and then do the exploring necessary to figure out what your core values and priorities are. This will lead you to go on a journey of self-discovery, and I talk more about the reasons to go on this kind of journey here. From there, you can look for ways to live more in alignment with your true self.

The Role of Others on Your Journey

Of course, you don’t have to isolate yourself to go on a self journey. And you don’t have to shut everyone else out either. In fact, it’s fine if you want to listen to other people’s advice about what you should do if you believe they genuinely have your best interest at heart.

But it’s important to note that anyone you get advice from is not you. They haven’t lived your life and they haven’t had the same experiences you have. They can only give the best advice they can based on what they know of you and the world. So, while you can listen respectfully to what they have to say, to be authentic, you have to be the one to make the final decision about the choices you make.

Final Thoughts

Authenticity is key for living a fulfilling life. This is because a big part of feeling fulfilled is feeling like you’re doing that which is most aligned with who you truly are. But you can’t know who you are if all you do is let other people tell you what to believe, how to think, and how to act.

The way out of this cycle of passive living is to take ownership of your life. Go on a self-discovery journey where you can uncover what you truly long to do and who you truly long to be. In my opinion, this is the path to true happiness. But that’s just my opinion.

~ Ashley C.