12 Journal Prompts to Distinguish Between Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation

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One of the big things that can make it hard for us to live authentic lives is the pressure we sometimes feel from our loved ones or society to conform to the norm.

Sometimes we so want to be accepted or approved of that we make decisions based on others’ expectations instead of what we truly want. Or we can be so unclear about what we want that we choose the conventional path because we don’t know what else to do.

This is what’s referred to as extrinsic motivation. And if this is what you’re using to motivate yourself, it means you’re not being motivated by your true desires. That would be intrinsic motivation. To live an authentic life, you have to rely more on intrinsic motivation than on extrinsic motivation.

While it’s true that sometimes things that are aligned with your desires can also match others’ expectations, other times there can be a conflict. When this happens, if you choose to focus on the external motivators rather than internal ones, this can lead you to feel inauthentic and unfulfilled.

In this post, I’m presenting you with 12 journal prompts. Answering these questions can help you gain some clarity about what your true desires are, how aligned your current life is with them, and how much it’s being influenced by external motivators.

12 Journal Prompts to Help You Tell the Difference Between Internal and External Motivation

1. What are some of your core values? (If you need help figuring this out, you can check out this post.)

2. Reflect on some of your life choices, like your choice for education, work, your lifestyle, or a partner. Do you feel that they align with your core values? Why or why not? And if you don’t feel like they do, why do you think you made those choices?

3. What are some things you enjoy doing but are reluctant to tell those closest to you? Why are you reluctant? Would you like to share those things with them? If so, what do you think it would take for you to be willing to do so?

4. If you knew your friends and family wouldn’t care one way or another, what would you do for work (as an employee or an entrepreneur)? If that’s not your current career, why have you chosen your current one? And how willing are you to switch lines of work now?

5. What would a life free from external pressure look like to you? What kinds of things would you do? Where would you live? Who would you spend your time with? What would you not do or not feel pressured to do?

6. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you value other people’s opinions? (1 being you don’t care at all what others think, 10 being you care a lot, even placing more value on others’ opinions than you do your own.)

7. If your answer to #6 was 7 or higher, why do you value other people’s opinions so much?

8. What would your life look like if you didn’t care what people thought about your choices or decisions? What would you be more willing to try? What changes would you make to the way you live your life now?

9. If you can, think of a time you did something that went against the norm or against the wishes of your friends and family. What was the result? Do you think that experience contributed to the way you value other people’s opinions now? If so, how?

10. Think about some of your goals or ambitions. Do they feel aligned with you and your core values? Or does it feel more like they were given to you by someone else? If the latter is true, why are you pursuing them?

11. Do you have any goals or desires you’re not pursuing because of what others might think? How does that make you feel?

12. How willing are you to pursue new goals that are more aligned with you even if you think others around you won’t approve?

I would advise you to take your time with these prompts. You don’t have to answer all of them, and you don’t have to respond to them right away. But you might want to write your answers down somewhere so you can refer back to them later if you need to. Or at the very least, take some time to ponder or reflect on them.

Action Items to Help You Apply Your Self-Knowledge to Your Current Situation

Now that you’re starting to get a clearer picture of your true desires and what an authentic life might look like to you, I invite you to try the following action items.

1. Reflect.

   After you’ve responded to these prompts, take some time to reflect on your answers. How much do you find yourself being motivated by intrinsic motivation and how much by extrinsic motivation? Do you find that your life is very unaligned with you and your core values or do some areas need more work than others? How do you feel about this?
   
   You don’t have to write these answers down. Just take time to reflect. This can help you make sense of the answers you did write down (if you chose to write them).

2. Withhold judgment.

   As you come to understand how much your decisions might have been influenced by others, you might start to feel a mix of emotions, like anger and sadness.
   
   For example, you might feel angry that you let others dictate so much of your life, or you might feel sad that you haven’t made more of an effort to pursue your own goals. Don’t judge yourself for feeling this way. Just allow yourself to feel what you feel.

3. Do something just for you.

   Think about something you want to do but don’t do or haven’t done because of what other people might think and do that thing.
   
   It doesn’t have to be big. It could just be wearing an unconventional outfit or reading/watching something non-mainstream. If you’re not yet ready to make this activity public, you don’t have to. But just start to get used to the feeling you get when you do something to please yourself regardless of what others might think.

Final Thoughts

I know how hard it can be to go against the norm. But sometimes living authentically will require you to do just that. And learning to distinguish between internal and external motivation can help you find the courage you need to do the unconventional.

~ Ashley C.

P.S. If you would like some support as you do this kind of self-discovery work, feel free to sign up for the Questions and Tisane newsletter! There, I offer prompts, tips, and advice to help you live your most authentic life. Don’t miss out!