The main reason INFJs leave relationships is because their needs aren’t being met, although the specific needs not being met will vary from person to person. If the INFJ feels that the damage done in the relationship was too deep, it’s unlikely that they’ll ever come back to that relationship.

The only exceptions to this would be that they’re not yet emotionally mature enough to stay away from unhealthy relationships or they’re desperate. But for the sake of their sanity, dignity, and overall well-being, it’s better for INFJs not to be with people who hurt them constantly or take advantage of them. (That’s actually true of everyone.)

In some cases, however, it is possible that an emotionally mature INFJ will come back to a relationship they walked away from—and this time for healthy reasons. Here are four reasons why this might happen.

4 (Healthy) Reasons INFJs Might Come Back to a Relationship They Left

1. They’ve forgiven the other person and decided to give them a second chance.

   If someone did something to hurt an INFJ, but then apologized to the INFJ’s satisfaction, the INFJ may find it in their heart to forgive them. They may even be able to do this without an apology. But it’s important to know that just because an INFJ has forgiven someone, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll come back to the relationship.
   
   If, for example, an INFJ realizes that the other person was just being who they are in acting as they did, the INFJ may accept this but also accept that they aren’t compatible with this other person’s nature. This means they would probably not want to be in a relationship with that person again.
   
   An emotionally mature INFJ would most likely come back only if they feel the story isn’t over and they want to give the other person a second chance. But it won’t be to pick up where they left off. This will be a new relationship, and it should be treated as such.
   
   (And in case you would like some advice on how to apologize to an INFJ, you can check out this post.)

2. They’ve dealt with whatever issues they were dealing with.

   An INFJ may have left a relationship for reasons that had little or nothing to do with the other person. Sometimes they were just dealing with their own issues.
   
   Maybe their mental health wasn’t optimal, and they needed time away to work things out. Maybe they were dealing with trust issues, and now they’ve had time to work on trusting other people. Maybe they were even learning to trust themselves again.
   
   A lack of self-trust is common for INFJs who are constantly bombarded by messages from a world that doesn’t understand them and constantly urges them to be different than they are. If an INFJ was dealing with their own issues and left a relationship for that reason, they may come back after they’ve dealt with them. Or at the very least, they may come back after they’re in a much better place.

3. They’ve come to see their role in the fall out.

   INFJs are not perfect, and they’re often acutely aware of this. But, ironically, sometimes their acute awareness of imperfection is one of their biggest weaknesses. Perfectionism and idealism can destroy many things, including perfectly healthy, loving relationships. This is one of the things that can make an INFJ relationship complicated.
   
   If an INFJ realizes, for instance, that their expectations were too high, they might come back after finding that they’re willing to lower them for the sake of enjoying a relationship that was healthy overall. Or they might come back if they realize that they were hasty in jumping to conclusions about the other person (more on that in #4).
   
   They might also come back after they’ve realized something that led to the rupture was the fact that they weren’t being vocal about their needs. Now that they’re committed to making their needs known, they’re willing to try having a new relationship with the person they walked away from.
   
   Relationships involve more than one person, so more than one person is involved in how they turn out. If an INFJ realizes they had a big part to play in what caused the fall out, they might come back after they’ve had time to process this and are determined to do better.

4. They’ve had a change of heart.

   INFJs spend a lot of time in their heads, analyzing themselves, situations, and other people. It’s very natural to judge all of these things if an INFJ hasn’t learned to be more accepting and open-minded. When an INFJ lets their overthinking mind come to a conclusion about a person or a relationship, they may walk away based on that conclusion without giving it any more thought.
   
   But over time, they may realize they were too hasty in making their judgments. Maybe then their heart will soften toward the person they left and encourage them to ignore the voice in their head and go back.
   
   Alternatively, maybe after giving the situation more thought once they’ve gotten some distance from it, that might also lead to a change of heart. It’s possible that this time apart was just what the INFJ needed to realize they were right where they needed to be all along.

Final Thoughts

This is by no means an exhaustive list of reasons why an INFJ would come back to a relationship, but I hope it gives you an idea of why an INFJ might do that for healthy reasons. If you know that the relationship you had with an INFJ was unhealthy, you should also know that you shouldn’t expect them to come back unless you show them a sincere and serious willingness to change.

And you should know that if an INFJ does choose to come back to someone they left, that person should be prepared to go slow as they both work together to build a new relationship.

Now it’s your turn. Why do you think an INFJ would come back after leaving a relationship?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: September 22, 2023