We INFJs tend to take things seriously—sometimes too seriously. We’re not usually known for our light-hearted nature. We’re known for our deep love and old souls. And so, even when using modern communication methods, we tend to approach them with a certain degree of seriousness. That includes texting.

The thing is, not everyone takes texting as seriously as an INFJ might. This means that what one person may consider perfectly acceptable texting behavior, an INFJ may perceive as an offense or faux pas.

If you would like some guidance on how to approach a texting relationship with an INFJ, here are seven things you should keep in mind.

7 Things to Keep in Mind When Texting an INFJ

1. Respond as soon as you can.

   INFJs like to know that they’re wanted. This is one of the reasons they can be reluctant to send a first text. Sometimes they would prefer not to text at all rather than text and risk rejection in the form of silence.
   
   If you wait a long time to respond to your INFJ’s texts, they may interpret this to mean that you don’t really like them. While you may have many valid reasons for not being able to respond right away, if you like the INFJ you’re texting, make sure you respond as soon as you can.

2. Be yourself when you text.

   Because texting doesn’t require face-to-face interactions, it can be tempting to be someone else when you text. While some people may find their true personality comes out easier when they write—INFJs included—when texting an INFJ, that real personality should be coming from an authentic place.
   
   Even if you’re not as witty, eloquent, or vibrant in real life as you are in writing, at the very least make sure that the person texting is a real version of you. INFJs can understand how things like shyness can make it hard for people to let their true selves shine through in person.
   
   But once you’re comfortable enough with an INFJ to let down your guard in person, the real you had better match the you your INFJ has been texting.

3. If you don’t have time to commit to a long conversation, say that.

   Say you text your INFJ after you get home from work, just to see how they’re doing. They may respond right away and want to get into a long conversation with you. But if you don’t have time for a long conversation—if you were really just checking in and then plan to do something else—let them know.

4. Don’t stop texting abruptly.

   If you’re in the middle of a conversation with an INFJ and you have to go, just tell them you have to go. Don’t just stop responding all of a sudden.
   
   We INFJs are masters at inventing worst-case scenarios in our minds. If you stop texting abruptly, we may assume the worst—from believing we said something that offended you to believing something catastrophic happened to you. Please do your INFJ a favor and tell them you have to go if you have to go.

5. Don’t just disappear.

   If you and your INFJ have been texting for a while, they’ll most likely have grown fond of your conversations and have come to look forward to them. You’ll also probably notice that they’re quick to respond to your texts and give all you say thoughtful consideration.
   
   If you decide to randomly stop texting them, as in #4, they’ll most likely assume the worst. So, if for some reason you can’t keep up this texting relationship, be kind enough to tell your INFJ this. Just let them know in the kindest way possible that you think it would be better if you stopped communicating.
   
   This will sting, of course, because it’s a form of rejection. But it’s better to let an INFJ know this as soon as you can so they’re not just sitting around, staring at the phone, waiting for you to text them. If you don’t feel the relationship is going anywhere or if you don’t think you can offer the sort of friendship this INFJ is looking for, make sure you let them know.

6. Don’t make a habit of disappearing and reappearing.

   As I mention in this post, we INFJs are especially prone to waiting around for messages from people we like. If you have a tendency to disappear for days or weeks and then reappear, have some lively discussions, and disappear again, it would be better for you not to do this with an INFJ.
   
   Depending on your INFJ’s maturity level, they may or may not be able to detect this habit quickly and stop waiting around for you. And they probably won’t mind this behavior if they only see you as a friend. But if you sense at all that they like you, it would be best for you not to try to sustain a relationship like this.

7. Know that if an INFJ stops texting you, they have a reason.

   In this post, I describe eight reasons why an INFJ might stop texting someone. The big takeaway from that post is that an INFJ won’t usually stop texting someone for no reason. Some of those reasons have nothing to do with the person the INFJ was texting, but some of them do.
   
   Either way, if you’ve been texting an INFJ and they suddenly stop responding, you’ll probably want to check in with them through other means to find out what’s really going on.
   
   True, it would be better for an INFJ to be forthcoming about why they stopped responding, and I would encourage all INFJs to do that when they can. But sometimes they feel that the other person should just know why they stopped or else they’re trying to spare this person’s feelings.
   
   I never said INFJs always have a good reason for not responding, only that they have one. So, if you’re wondering what the reason is, find a way to ask them.

Final Thoughts

Texting an INFJ really isn’t much different than interacting with one in real life. While INFJs may not go as deep in their texting conversations as they might in person, they’ll still be devoted texters who eagerly respond to texts as soon as they can. This is especially true if they have a crush on the person they’re texting.

If they don’t, they may not mind things like a tendency to disappear or abruptly stop responding mid-conversation as much. But even so, the essence of texting an INFJ really comes down to the essence of all effective communication—say what needs to be said as soon and as clearly as possible.

Our tendency as humans is to avoid having hard or awkward conversations. But it’s actually better to have them when they need to be had so that people can take whatever next step they need to, to move forward.

Now it’s your turn. What do you think people should keep in mind when texting an INFJ?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: January 29, 2024