People of the INFJ personality type are incredible. Of course, all people are incredible in their way, but INFJs might be less inclined to see themselves that way. INFJs tend to hold themselves to very high standards. And if they feel they’re not living up to those standards, they can be very hard on themselves.

But INFJs would really do well to value themselves as the amazing people that they are. If you’re an INFJ, here are a few signs that you’re undervaluing yourself.

5 Signs INFJs Are Undervaluing Themselves

1. They put everyone else’s needs before their own.

   This is typical INFJ behavior, but it doesn’t have to be. INFJs tend to be very outward-focused, meaning they spend more of their time paying attention to other people than they do themselves. This means that they’re often making other people’s needs a priority while they forget about their own. And when they’re spending this much time taking care of everyone else, they’re not leaving much time left over to take care of themselves.
   
   For INFJs who would like to show themselves how much they value themselves, they should try to make sure their needs are taken care of. Some common INFJ needs are alone time, downtime after socializing, fun, and deep conversation. If you’re an INFJ who’s not making sure those needs are met, making time to meet them would be a great way to show yourself how much you value yourself.

2. They do most of the giving in their relationships.

   This is similar to the previous point. When INFJs are using their outward focus, they may be spending so much time focusing on what other people need that they end up giving too much to the relationships they’re in. This can include relationships with friends, family members, crushes, or partners. And giving too much can look like any number of things.
   
   It can look like making sure everyone else has had enough to eat but forgetting to have a snack when you’re hungry in the middle of the day. It can look like being willing to drop everything and run every time a friend needs you, but not feeling you can ask those same friends for similar favors. It can look like always responding to your crush’s texts right away, but being ok when they go a long time without responding to you.
   
   Sometimes INFJs may be unwilling to receive more in relationships because they don’t want to look greedy or selfish by asking for more. But it’s not greedy or selfish to want to enjoy relationships where the giving and taking are about equal. In fact, that’s what healthy, fulfilling relationships look like.
   
   If INFJs aren’t receiving as much as they’re giving in the relationships they’re in, they may want to consider what this says about how much they actually value themselves.

3. They settle for love that’s one-sided.

   This has been a big one for me. But one of the things about unrequited love is that you may settle for it because you don’t feel worthy of reciprocal love. That’s not the only reason you may find your love unrequited, though. But it’s one reason. (This post shares some other possible reasons.) And if an INFJ is willing to settle for love that’s unrequited, it could be a sign that they’re not really valuing who they are.
   
   When you value yourself, if you’re looking for a real relationship, you won’t settle for someone who only throws you crumbs from time to time. You won’t settle for a nice call, text, or email that comes once in a while. You won’t settle for some beautiful encounters or conversations that are often followed by long stretches with little to no communication.
   
   INFJs do love hard, and this can happen even when their love isn’t reciprocated. And if they’re deeply in love with someone, it’s likely because they feel a deep connection to that person. But if that person isn’t showing with their words and actions that they truly value the INFJ, this isn’t a person worthy of the INFJ’s love and affection. And INFJs would do well to try to move on if they find they’re not receiving the reciprocal love they’re looking for and worthy of.
   
   (For INFJs who need help moving on from an unrequited crush, this post may help.)

4. They don’t make much time for self-care.

   This is also related to #1. When INFJs are spending so much time focusing on other people and their needs, they’re not making time to do things they enjoy. They’re not making time to deal with their own issues or solve their own problems. They’re too busy making sure everyone else is taken care of.
   
   But INFJs need to make time for self-care. They need to make time to deal with their own issues, rather than trying to fix everyone else’s. They need to make time to recharge after a long day or after an emotionally draining week. They need to make time to focus on what’s important to them, even if it doesn’t seem important to anyone else.
   
   If you’re an INFJ who’s struggling to make time for self-care, you might find that adding these five phrases to your vocabulary might help.

5. They compare themselves to others.

   People often say that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others. But it can be hard to avoid it. And it can be especially hard if you’re using social media, where you’re constantly bombarded by images of people who seem to have it all together. This, in turn, can make you feel awful when you have so much stuff you haven’t yet figured out.
   
   The thing is, while comparison is an unhelpful thing for everyone to do—unless you’re using those comparisons to think about ways you can improve, not to make yourself feel bad about yourself—this can be especially harmful for INFJs.
   
   INFJ is a rare personality type. This means that INFJs are going to do things differently than most people. And if they’re comparing their progress to other people’s progress or if they’re comparing their goals to other people’s goals, they’re going to wind up very unhappy. They may end up convincing themselves that they’re not moving forward fast enough or that they’re going after the wrong things. And this will keep them from letting their own unique light shine through.
   
   If you’re an INFJ, please remember that you’re already different from most people. This means that you really have to be mindful of how much you compare yourself to others. Again, if you’re using those comparisons to help you improve, that’s fine. But still keep in mind that what may work for other people—even many other people—may not work for you. So, instead, try to focus on your own goals and your own progress.
   
   And also try to remember your own unique gifts, like your empathy and your ability to feel everything deeply. Try to cherish these gifts as the treasures they are.

Final Thoughts

When an INFJ is undervaluing who they are, it may result in low self-esteem or a low sense of self-worth. And it can be very hard to make progress in life that way. This is why it’s so important for INFJs to understand and appreciate their value.

And please remember that, at the end of the day, your true value doesn’t lie in anything you do. Your value lies in who you are. You’re valuable because you exist. But if you find that you would like some help improving your sense of self-worth, you might want to check out this post.

Now it’s your turn. What signs do you think say that an INFJ is undervaluing who they are?

~ Ashley C.

Note: The advice presented here is for informational purposes only. If you’re in need of professional counseling or therapy, please see a qualified professional.

Last updated: December 17, 2024

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