I don’t believe unrequited love is something you always have to walk away from. I believe that sometimes it’s ok to hold on. But I also believe that sometimes you have to move on or at least begin the healing process because you realize that you want more from your crush than they’re willing or able to give.

So, how do you know whether to hold onto your crush or try moving on? You have to ask yourself whether or not the crush is serving you—in a positive way.

When the Crush Serves You

If you find that your crush is serving you in a positive way, I don’t see a reason to move on. This can be true even if the person you have a crush on is an out-of-reach celebrity or someone you’ve never met but know from afar. Sometimes it’s nice to just have someone to love, even if it’s not someone you know personally. I don’t see any harm in continuing a crush like this.

I also think a crush can serve you if you like someone who’s a good friend. Maybe you haven’t told this friend how you feel and they’ve never shared anything about their feelings for you. But you enjoy their company, and you get along well together. And you believe there’s potential for a relationship in the future.

This is another case where the crush might actually be serving you. After all, relationships often begin with a crush. It’s those crush feelings that eventually prompt one or both people to confess or start dating.

But in that case, you might want to consider whether you would actually like to explore the possibility of a romantic relationship with this person or whether you plan on just being their friend. If you would rather just be their friend but you also would like to have a romantic relationship with someone, that might be a time you want to try moving on from the crush.

When the Crush Doesn’t Serve You

But if the crush isn’t serving you, at least not in a positive way, that’s when you might want to move on. If you feel that having this crush is keeping you from finding true love, for example, that might be a time you want to try letting go.

If you find that this person barely acknowledges your presence while you’re showering them with tons of attention, you might want to try moving on in that instance. If you’ve already confessed to your crush and they don’t seem interested, holding on may not be worthwhile. And if this person constantly causes you pain and heartache, you don’t want to hold onto a crush like that.

If you find yourself endlessly waiting by the phone for a call or a text from your crush, I would advise you to stop. Whatever your feelings might be telling you about why they’re not reaching out to you more or responding more quickly to your messages, the reality is that if they really wanted to reach out to you, they would. They would make the time.

And if you really want to experience true, reciprocal love, you want to be with someone who makes the time to talk to you. You want to be with someone who makes you feel special. You don’t want to be with someone who continually makes you wait, who makes you feel small, or who doesn’t appreciate your value.

Also, if you’re only loving from afar, be careful that you’re not doing this because you don’t feel deserving of reciprocal love. If low self-esteem or low self-worth are the reason you’re crushing on someone and if the crush isn’t really serving you but rather making you feel small or unworthy of love, you definitely want to try moving on. Instead, focus on loving yourself and building up your self-worth and self-esteem.

And keep in mind that a crush may serve you for a time, but after a while you realize that it’s no longer serving you. After a while, you may realize that you want something more. And if you don’t think you’ll ever get what you’re looking for from your crush, you might want to consider letting go.

When you look at your crush situation this way, it’s a way of applying logic to it. Logic can help you see your crush from a more objective perspective, rather than being completely lost in feelings and fantasies that may keep you from seeing the reality of your situation.

Every Crush Is Different

So many different factors go into every crush we have that it’s hard to just tell someone to move on if the crush isn’t reciprocated right away. But to keep from holding on indefinitely to a crush that may never give you what you’re looking for, try asking yourself if the crush is serving you in a positive way.

You can also ask yourself some of these follow-up questions: Is the crush adding to your life? Is it allowing you to live fully? Do you see a real potential for a relationship in the future? Does your current relationship feel reciprocal or is it more one-sided?

Asking these questions can help you decide whether to hold onto your crush or try letting go. But remember that, at the end of the day, this is your life. Only you can decide whether or not a crush is serving you. And only you can decide whether or not it’s worth it to hold on.

Now I turn it to you. When do you think someone should hold onto a crush or try moving on?

~ Ashley C.

P.S. If you’re an INFJ or someone who loves deeply and you would like tips and advice about crushes, unrequited love, and the search for a romantic partner, feel free to join “The INFJ Search for Love” newsletter!

Last updated: November 21, 2024