Unrequited love can feel all-consuming. It’s not uncommon for people with unrequited crushes to see their crush in their mind all day, including right before falling asleep and after first waking up in the morning.

If you get a call or a text from your crush, the whole world lights up. But if you go a long time without hearing from them, the world looks gray and bleak. Food loses its flavor. Life loses its spice.

It doesn’t matter whether your crush lives next door or on the other side of the planet. The feelings and emotions that arise from unrequited love are strong. Trust me, I’ve been there.

The absolute best way to move on from an unrequited crush is to tell the other person how you feel. This allows you to stop the endless fantasizing and put your feelings out there in the real world. That’s when the potential for reciprocation will be strongest, when your feelings are no longer hidden.

Before trying to get over an unrequited crush, I would suggest you share your feelings. (But if you’re an INFJ, you should read this post first to determine when it’s safe to do so.)

If, however, you have shared your feelings and the person has given no indication that they will reciprocate, you’ll have to move on. You’ll also probably have to move on if you don’t think you’ll ever have the chance to tell this person how you feel—think celebrity crush.

But I’ve found celebrity crushes can be nice placeholders for more reachable crushes. So if the person is single, you don’t have to be in a rush to get over them.

After confessing and having a good cry or two—which I find not only helpful but necessary for the moving on process—staying busy is a great way to get over an unrequited crush. But you have to stay busy in the right way.

You need to immerse yourself in activities that involve both your mind and your body. Below you’ll find four activities I think are wonderful for helping you move on from unrequited love.

1. Writing/Journaling

   You don’t have to be a professional writer to find healing in writing. Writing is a great way to get your feelings out and begin the process of moving on. (It worked for Lara Jean in the To All the Boys series. Well, sort of.)
   
   It’s almost like, the feelings you have for this person are taking up emotional space inside you. By writing them down, you’re freeing up that space just like you would free up a physical space by removing items from it.
   
   If you’re a poet or a songwriter, you probably already know how beneficial it can be to put your emotions in words. Just don’t forget those benefits when you’re despairing over this loss of a potential for love.
   
   It’s also possible you never knew you were a poet or a songwriter because you never had something you felt was worth writing about. Now you do. And feel free to use language as simple or as fancy as you want it to be.
   
   But if creative writing isn’t your thing, try journaling. There’s no right or wrong way to journal. Just get a blank notebook and write whatever thoughts pop into your mind and whatever emotions surface as you write. When you get all that stuff out, you’ll find the feelings aren’t so strong anymore. And that will make it easier to move on.

2. Bookmaking

   I’m talking about making literal books by hand here. YouTube has some great videos on how to take pieces of paper, bind them, attach them to hardcovers and make your own books.
   
   In fact, you could even make your own journals that you can then use to write out all those emotions you’re still feeling. If you need a place to start, try this video.
   
   I’ve actually made some books by hand, and I’ve found the process very rewarding. (Two examples are pictured above.) But it does require time, patience, and a willingness to make and learn from mistakes. This is exactly the kind of mind-body activity you want to engage in as you attempt to move on from this crush.
   
   As you stitch your books together, you have to use your hands to do the physical stitching and your mind to make sure you’re stitching correctly. The same goes for all the gluing, measuring, and attaching that’s involved.
   
   Really, any craft that requires deep concentration will do. This is just one I’ve personally tried and found to be a wonderful distraction from anything you’re trying not to think about.

3. Drawing/Painting

   Drawing and painting can be other great ways to let out emotions if you’re already artistically inclined. But for those whose drawings of people have not progressed far beyond stick figures, I’ve found that learning to draw or paint real images can be a terrific distraction.
   
   And if you’re used to one medium, try a different one. If, for example, you’re used to painting, try using colored pencils or crayons. And if you’re used to colored pencils and crayons, try painting.
   
   You need to engage in new activities for the distraction to be most beneficial. Once something becomes automatic, it’s easy for your mind to wander while you do it. And that’s what we’re trying to avoid.
   
   (For the record, if you’ve never seen what amazing art can be created with colored pencils, watch this video.)
   
   Pottery could also be good for this, but it requires more specialized tools and can get pretty messy. But if that’s something you’re interested in, go for it. Put your heart and soul into every vase and mug you make.
   
   And if you’re not satisfied with watching YouTube videos to learn about art, feel free to take an art class. That would be a great way to meet new people as you learn a new skill. Meeting and getting to know new people is another great way to keep yourself from thinking about your crush.
   
   And you never know, this could give you the opportunity to meet a new crush. But don’t do this only for that purpose. Do this for you and let whatever is meant to happen, happen.

4. Origami

   It’s possible that you know how to make a paper boat or a swan or maybe even something more complex. But there are so many different things you can create with folded paper that, if you’re looking for a way to move on from an unrequited crush, it might be time for you to try something new.
   
   If you’re not familiar with origami, the art of folding paper, start with something simple like this rose from YouTube. (The one in the picture above is one I made.) YouTube again offers videos for all levels of experience. And the more complex the project, the better a distraction it will be for you.

The two keys to moving on from an unrequited crush are to find a way to let out your emotions and keep yourself from thinking about this person too much.

It’s important to let out your emotions so they’re not just bubbling right below the surface, ready to spring forward in your less busy moments. But when you’ve found a way to get them out, you still need to distract yourself as your heart heals.

What makes the healing process easier is concentrating on activities that engage both your mind and your body. I’ve offered a few suggestions, but feel free to try whatever you like.

Just make sure it’s something you find fun and not something you engage in mindlessly. Try to be fully present in these activities, not letting your mind wander to this person as you do them. This will be a signal to your heart that it’s time to move on.

Now it’s your turn. What activities do you find helpful for getting over unrequited crushes?

~ Ashley C.

P.S. If you’re an INFJ or someone who loves deeply and you would like tips and advice about crushes, unrequited love, and the search for a romantic partner, feel free to join “The INFJ Search for Love” newsletter!

Last updated: June 7, 2024