We know that no one is perfect. That means we’re all going to make mistakes in our relationships from time to time. But it can be nice when you’re already aware of potential mistakes you can make in certain relationships so you can do your best to avoid them.

While INFJs definitely have their share of potential mistakes they can make in relationships, others can also make mistakes in their relationships with them. If you would like to know what some of those potential mistakes are, here are seven of them.

7 Potential Mistakes People Can Make in INFJ Relationships

1. Not making sure the INFJ is meeting their needs.

   I’ll be the first to say that it’s every INFJ’s responsibility to make sure they’re meeting their own needs. Having said that, it’s very common for INFJs to neglect their own needs in favor of meeting everyone else’s.
   
   This is why it can be really helpful if the people in an INFJ’s life help them to at least make sure they’re meeting their own needs. Otherwise an INFJ may end up resenting the people they—consciously or unconsciously—blame for not allowing them to meet their needs. And, as you can imagine, this can cause disharmony in relationships.

2. Taking advantage of their generosity.

   This is related to the previous point. Sometimes people, even well-meaning people, can take advantage of an INFJ’s generosity simply because the INFJ lets them. INFJs are known to be people-pleasers, which means they have a hard time saying no to people.
   
   Combine that with their sensitivity to others’ feelings and their attention to other people’s needs, and you can understand how easy it can be for someone to take advantage of all an INFJ is willing to offer. If you want to have a healthy relationship with an INFJ, be mindful of times you may be asking them to do too much.

3. Not going deep enough.

   INFJs can easily grow bored if the people they’re with aren’t going deep enough. They like deep conversations about things like life and the universe and the way people think. If a relationship with an INFJ is to progress to anything substantial, it has to include depth. This means that both people involved will have to be willing to be open and vulnerable.
   
   Being open will allow for clear communication channels and an openness to new ideas and new ways of doing things. And vulnerability means those involved have established a level of trust that allows them to reveal even their innermost thoughts and desires. If an INFJ doesn’t have this in a relationship, it’s not likely that it will progress very far.

4. Being too aggressive.

   Some people are naturally more aggressive in their approach to life. INFJs, who tend to be sensitive people—specifically highly sensitive people or HSPs—prefer a gentler approach to life.
   
   If someone in a relationship with an INFJ is always aggressive and never shows a softer or gentler side, the INFJ may never feel comfortable enough with this person to let their guard down and develop a deep relationship with them.
   
   And just so you know, being aggressive can take many different forms. It could be acting and speaking aggressively or never letting an INFJ have a say in the relationship (see #5). Or it could be moving too fast or not giving an INFJ time to think. INFJs tend to prefer to take things slow and have time to process before making decisions. So, if you’re in a relationship with an INFJ, try to be mindful of any aggressive behavior.

5. Not letting them speak.

   Though this isn’t the most aggressive way of behaving with an INFJ, it can still come off as a form of passive aggression if they don’t feel they have a voice in the relationship.
   
   If you’re the kind of person who always makes the decisions in the relationship, big or small, and if you don’t even take the time to consult your INFJ before making those decisions, that’s something they probably won’t be able to put up with for long.
   
   INFJs may not always be the loudest speakers, but they do have a voice. And they long for it to be heard. While INFJs may be comfortable having a partner who takes the more dominant role in a relationship, that doesn’t mean they never want to be consulted and it doesn’t mean their voice and opinions don’t matter. Please keep that in mind if you’re the kind of person who likes to take charge.
   
   (And if you would like some advice on how to encourage an INFJ to speak up when something is bothering them, you can check out this post.)

6. Not letting them be authentic.

   In society, it’s very common for people to try to put everyone into a similar mold. But since INFJs are one of the rarer personality types, many of society’s molds don’t work for them. Not everyone understands this, though.
   
   And so, when they try to form relationships with INFJs, they may be confused by why INFJs do things so differently or see things so differently. And they may even try to force the INFJ to conform to convention in one way or another—for example, they may try to force them into or steer them toward a certain gender role or career path.
   
   This is absolutely something to be avoided with INFJs. If they feel they can’t be who they are and if they don’t feel open to express their authentic self, that’s not a relationship they’ll want to stay in for long.

7. Not taking time to understand them.

   Since INFJs are used to being misunderstood—it comes with being a rare personality type—it can be hard for them to form deep connections with people. They want to feel understood by those they’re closest to. So, if they sense that someone isn’t taking the time to get to know them on a deeper level, they probably won’t spend much time developing that relationship.
   
   But since you’re reading this post, it’s possibly because you are trying to understand your special INFJ better. Hopefully that means you can avoid this mistake in your relationship with them.

Final Thoughts

Anyone can have a successful relationship with an INFJ if they’re willing to put in the time and effort—and, of course, if the INFJ is also willing. In fact, that’s true of relationships with anyone. But now that you’re aware of some potential mistakes to avoid in your relationship with your INFJ, hopefully that will make it a little easier for you to enjoy the beauty of that relationship while minimizing the faux pas.

Now I turn it to you. What mistakes do you think people have the potential to make in relationships with INFJs? Let me know in the comments.

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: September 22, 2023